this is just a random post, because i've nothing to do.
alright i guess, time really flies.
from i went to ITE after my Os in yr 2007,
and then i have friends around me,
supported each other in the course,
give the extra to each other just by cracking some cold lame jokes.
and then comes the exam day, we chiong together to get the best grade,
and then came 1st ever attachment,
grandpa would prepare breakfast for me
and also pack food for me to bring to hospital if i'm on afternoon shift,
and would also sms me telling me to take care and to be home early.
and then came second term of semester in school.
where everything seems to be declining,
my relationship, my grandpa health,
and comes the second attachment, and that's when i came a down in my life.
having my grandfather hospitalised,
and i only think that i have the ability to take care of him,
and thus i insists to stay there 24/7 without leaving a step away.
my health didn't compromise,
and that's when everything else starts.
having no friends, having no boyfriend besides me.
and when i say i want to quit schooling, no one says a second word,
and so now, i am school-less.
and then came the wrong decision, and i'm not saying what,
and only babylove know this, no one else.
and, i'm shocked, i'm afraid and i'm glad that babylove accepted with it.
babylove analysed it with me,
he knows why i did that particular mistake.
he knows why i did not respond when i know its a wrong.
he knows it all without me saying.
he's the one who could read my mind, who could put me at ease.
and every now and then, when i spend my night over at amk,
i would actually recalled how grandpa tend to fall when opening the door,
and how he tend to fall in the toliet.
and till the night that he kneel on the floor and couldn't get up.
my tears roll.
i've been clinging onto the past.
those images just couldn't get off my mind, and i feel really sad.
those images of grandpa couldn't get up,
those images of me sitting in the ambulance,
those images which i see him struggle.
i can say, my grandpa is a very strong and brave person.
just that now he's old, body function decline,
and that's life.
i know all these. and i know if i were to collapse,
mummy and grandma will collaspe too.
it's very hard on me, i have to put a brave front.
just like when i was not okay in my health,
and grandpa asked, i smiled and said okay.
mummy saw, and she teared when she saw that forced smile on my face.
pardon me for posting such a loooong and emo post.
